Upcoming Events › ›
A list of the latest Anger Coach classes, seminars and events. Click here for more.
- Next Fast-Track Anger Class starts Saturday afternoon, May 19, 2012 in Orange, CA. Couples welcome.
- New Weekly Anger Class starting in Orange, CA Tuesday night. New Class starts Tuesday, May 22, 2012.
- New Weekly Anger Class starting in Long Beach, CA Monday night. New Class starts Monday, May 21, 2012.
- New: Private consultation with Dr. Fiore for marital issues, anger management sessions or Executive Coaching. Call 714-745-1393 for details.
Join us on Facebook and get a free report: "Survival Guide - How to Deal with Angry People"
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Anger Coach In The News, Community, and The Web ›
- Dr Tony Fiore has been appointed to the board of directors of the Orange County Psychological Association for a two year term beginning in January, 2012.
- Suggestions from Dr Fiore's writings on "How To Deal With Angry People" (free when you join us on Facebook ) has been included
in a new book changethethingsyoucan.wordpress.com
- The Anger Coach announces an introductory price reduction on their new Marriage Class Online Program. This innovative distance-learning program now costs only $99 and includes proof of enrollment and graduation. It is riuch in graphics and videos making it almost fun to learn the habits that research has shown will improve your marriage or relationship!
- Dr Tony Fiore has been invited to be the speaker at the PALM/Cornerstone of Southern California workshop on February 15, 2011, teaching the eight tools of anger control to other professionals, for continuing education credit.
- September 30, 2010. Dr Fiore was invited guest speaker at An EAP Brown Bag Workshop at St, Joseph Hospital in Orange, Ca. Over sixty hospital employees attended the event ( a powerpoint presentation) to learn and apply the eight tools of anger control.
- The Anger Coach announces its new distance learning course, MarriageClassOnline which teaches you the eight tools of a positive marriage and how to apply them in your relatinship.
- Dr Tony Fiore was interviewed by Natasha Murashev of psychworld.com, a new website where community experts can connect with consumers. She was especially interested in the internet aspects of The Anger Coach, including our distance learning programs and our new Iphone Anger app (AngerCoach Mobile). Read the interview by clicking here.
- Dr Tony Fiore was recently interview by Hadley Finch, of "Tribe of Blonds-" an internet website and radio show devoted to singles. Topic of the show was :A Lasting Love - Your 8 tools to Control Anger and Keep Love Alive. You can hear the interview by going to http://bit.ly/bBM6ZR
- Anger Coach Online now has a 16-hour online class to add to the core 10-hour class. Details at http://www.angercoachonline.com
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- New Anger Coach Videos are now on you-tube and on this site. These short videos explain our eight tools of anger control. To see on You-Tube, go to http://www.youtube.com/drtonyfiore. Click here to access videos from this website.
Click Here to Learn More About Becoming a Century Anger Management Sponsor
From our blog › ›
| Sat, 21 Jan 2012 00:56:52 +0000 Angry People, Conflict Resolution, Quick Anger Tips Do You Display Defensive Anger? Three New Strategies to Deal with Verbal Attacks! Doc, the new client said, I am not an angry guy. I only get angry when people piss me off. The rest of the time I am fine This humorous interchange occurs often in our anger management classes. We gently explain that, of course, it is much easier to stay [...] |
| Thu, 08 Dec 2011 22:13:19 +0000 Happiness, Health, Positive Psychology, Quick Anger Tips, Stress Mindfulness and Anger Management Mindfulness and Anger Management- Guest Article We all have moments when things slow down and we are suddenly very present for life. We often have this ‘tuned in’ experience when we are in nature, or it it may happen when we are highly focused on some activity, or sometimes it occurs when we are simply [...] |
| Tue, 29 Nov 2011 02:12:49 +0000 Family Stress, Stories from the world of Anger Management A Master Passive Aggressive Some times you have to give the devil his due! Such is the case with my brother Tom, an intelligent but very manipulative young man as we were growing up in Ohio. He and my Italian-American father were constantly conflicting with each other because Tom was..well, very stubborn and my father simply didn’t have the [...] |
| Tue, 06 Sep 2011 22:12:50 +0000 Angry People, Marriage, Quick Anger Tips Do some angry people not show it? We all recognize the hot-headed person who yells, shouts, has a red face, clenched fists and bulging neck veins when angered or frustrated. It is easy to see that person as angry. But, is it possible to be just as angry but never show it? To suppress angry feelings or turn them inward so that the anger affects our [...] |
Click Here to articles by Dr. Tony Fiore
Business Resources › ›
Workplace anger costs American firms billions of dollars a year in terms of lost productivity and unnecessary medical and legal expenses. Click here to find out more.
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Are you concerned about how anger affects your health, your wealth and your relationships? Click here to find out more.
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About the Anger Coach › ›
Information about our organization.
Articles by Dr Fiore › ›
How to be less angry in your marriage
Tips on how to become allies around issues
By Anthony Fiore, Ph.D.
The Anger Coach
Tom and Mary have been married for 10 years. Both are employed. Let’s listen in on an angry conversation they are having in their kitchen while making dinner:
(curtain up)
Mary: Would it have killed you to stop off on your way home to buy me some Valentine flowers?
Tom: You should have seen the traffic. It was horrible. I didn’t have time to stop. Besides, last week you never picked up my dry cleaning like you promised.
Mary: That’s the feeblest excuse I ever heard! I’ll tell you what it REALLY is. You forgot to get me something because you don’t care anymore.
Tom: How can you say that? I just built that bookcase for you, didn’t I? And didn't I just change the oil in your car last Saturday?
Mary: Fine! (said with a hollow and sarcastic tone)
Tom: Anything good on TV tonight?
(curtain down)
After this interchange, the children came into the room which resulted in Mary and Tom focusing on them and thus avoiding each other the rest of the evening.
Although neither could admit it, they were both miserable and lonely, wanting to connect with each other but not knowing how.
Turning each other into strangers
Even though they loved each other, Mary and Tom had effectively turned each other into strangers, feeling miles apart emotionally while sitting at the same table, sleeping in the same bed, and living in the same house.
Both felt misunderstood, angry, resentful and unappreciated.
Turning each other into enemies
In contrast, Dennis and Nancy , married only 6 months, found themselves constantly at odds with each other. Let’s listen in on their latest fight:
(curtain up)
Nancy: You left the toilet seat up again, just like a little boy. I almost sat in the water at 3AM this morning.
Dennis: You would think that an intelligent woman like you would remember to look to see if the seat was up or down before sitting down.
Nancy: You are inconsiderate and selfish and purposely do things to irritate me.
Dennis (to Nancy): I forgot! Get off my back.
Dennis (to himself): Why should I give in her to? Last week she wouldn’t even have sex with me after I bought her that expensive Valentine’s gift.
(curtain down)
Anger is a “fall-back” position
In both these marriages, anger is seen as “fallback” behavior—what the couple resorted to when they were unable to express themselves to their partners in any other way. Their goal wasn’t to fight: it was to be heard by the other, to control the other, or to get the other to change some problem behavior.
The crossroads moment
Truth is, at any moment in your relationship with your partner, you can elect to either antagonize them, alienate them, or turn them into an ally.
Solve the moment—not the problem
Anger in marriage is often generated by couples trying to solve an unsolvable issue. Many issues are unsolvable if attacked directly—this is true no matter who you are married to.
These issues are “perpetual” and successful couples find a way to be with each other despite these differences.
Rather than demanding change, (which often leads to frustration and anger), try instead opening up an honest dialogue around the dispute to develop deeper understanding of why both you and your partner feel as you do.
Seeing things from their point of view can do wonders to soften conflicts and decrease tensions, even if the original issue remains. Often your partner will try harder to change if they see that you are trying to understand them better.
You may also find that you too try harder to “soften” your anger if you feel that your partner is trying to understand your feelings around the issue.
Being on the same side of the issue—allies— is the key to dealing with it, even if the actual problem is never solved!
Tony Fiore, Ph.D, is a practicing psychologist and anger management trainer in Southern California. He can be reached at 714-771-0378, on the web at www.angercoach.com or by email: [email protected]. He publishes a free monthly newsletter "Taming the Anger Bee", and is also co-author of "Anger Management For The Twenty-First Century" which explains the eight tools in much more detail. Century Anger Management (www.centuryangermanagement.com) provides certification training for anger management professionals.
Copyright © 2006 Dr Tony Fiore,The Anger Coach www.angercoach.com All rights reserved. Permission granted to reprint this article on your website without alteration if you include this copyright statement and leave the hyperlink live and in place.
