Upcoming Events › ›
A list of the latest Anger Coach classes, seminars and events. Click here for more.
- Next Fast-Track Anger Class starts Saturday afternoon, May 19, 2012 in Orange, CA. Couples welcome.
- New Weekly Anger Class starting in Orange, CA Tuesday night. New Class starts Tuesday, May 22, 2012.
- New Weekly Anger Class starting in Long Beach, CA Monday night. New Class starts Monday, May 21, 2012.
- New: Private consultation with Dr. Fiore for marital issues, anger management sessions or Executive Coaching. Call 714-745-1393 for details.
Join us on Facebook and get a free report: "Survival Guide - How to Deal with Angry People"
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Anger Coach In The News, Community, and The Web ›
- Dr Tony Fiore has been appointed to the board of directors of the Orange County Psychological Association for a two year term beginning in January, 2012.
- Suggestions from Dr Fiore's writings on "How To Deal With Angry People" (free when you join us on Facebook ) has been included
in a new book changethethingsyoucan.wordpress.com
- The Anger Coach announces an introductory price reduction on their new Marriage Class Online Program. This innovative distance-learning program now costs only $99 and includes proof of enrollment and graduation. It is riuch in graphics and videos making it almost fun to learn the habits that research has shown will improve your marriage or relationship!
- Dr Tony Fiore has been invited to be the speaker at the PALM/Cornerstone of Southern California workshop on February 15, 2011, teaching the eight tools of anger control to other professionals, for continuing education credit.
- September 30, 2010. Dr Fiore was invited guest speaker at An EAP Brown Bag Workshop at St, Joseph Hospital in Orange, Ca. Over sixty hospital employees attended the event ( a powerpoint presentation) to learn and apply the eight tools of anger control.
- The Anger Coach announces its new distance learning course, MarriageClassOnline which teaches you the eight tools of a positive marriage and how to apply them in your relatinship.
- Dr Tony Fiore was interviewed by Natasha Murashev of psychworld.com, a new website where community experts can connect with consumers. She was especially interested in the internet aspects of The Anger Coach, including our distance learning programs and our new Iphone Anger app (AngerCoach Mobile). Read the interview by clicking here.
- Dr Tony Fiore was recently interview by Hadley Finch, of "Tribe of Blonds-" an internet website and radio show devoted to singles. Topic of the show was :A Lasting Love - Your 8 tools to Control Anger and Keep Love Alive. You can hear the interview by going to http://bit.ly/bBM6ZR
- Anger Coach Online now has a 16-hour online class to add to the core 10-hour class. Details at http://www.angercoachonline.com
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- New Anger Coach Videos are now on you-tube and on this site. These short videos explain our eight tools of anger control. To see on You-Tube, go to http://www.youtube.com/drtonyfiore. Click here to access videos from this website.
Click Here to Learn More About Becoming a Century Anger Management Sponsor
From our blog › ›
| Sat, 21 Jan 2012 00:56:52 +0000 Angry People, Conflict Resolution, Quick Anger Tips Do You Display Defensive Anger? Three New Strategies to Deal with Verbal Attacks! Doc, the new client said, I am not an angry guy. I only get angry when people piss me off. The rest of the time I am fine This humorous interchange occurs often in our anger management classes. We gently explain that, of course, it is much easier to stay [...] |
| Thu, 08 Dec 2011 22:13:19 +0000 Happiness, Health, Positive Psychology, Quick Anger Tips, Stress Mindfulness and Anger Management Mindfulness and Anger Management- Guest Article We all have moments when things slow down and we are suddenly very present for life. We often have this ‘tuned in’ experience when we are in nature, or it it may happen when we are highly focused on some activity, or sometimes it occurs when we are simply [...] |
| Tue, 29 Nov 2011 02:12:49 +0000 Family Stress, Stories from the world of Anger Management A Master Passive Aggressive Some times you have to give the devil his due! Such is the case with my brother Tom, an intelligent but very manipulative young man as we were growing up in Ohio. He and my Italian-American father were constantly conflicting with each other because Tom was..well, very stubborn and my father simply didn’t have the [...] |
| Tue, 06 Sep 2011 22:12:50 +0000 Angry People, Marriage, Quick Anger Tips Do some angry people not show it? We all recognize the hot-headed person who yells, shouts, has a red face, clenched fists and bulging neck veins when angered or frustrated. It is easy to see that person as angry. But, is it possible to be just as angry but never show it? To suppress angry feelings or turn them inward so that the anger affects our [...] |
Click Here to articles by Dr. Tony Fiore
Business Resources › ›
Workplace anger costs American firms billions of dollars a year in terms of lost productivity and unnecessary medical and legal expenses. Click here to find out more.
- Corporate Services
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Individual Resources › ›
Are you concerned about how anger affects your health, your wealth and your relationships? Click here to find out more.
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About the Anger Coach › ›
Information about our organization.
Articles by Dr Fiore › ›
How to control anger by forgiving grievances
By Anthony Fiore, Ph.D.
The Anger Coach
Thirty-two year old Elizabeth cried during her anger management class as she related how one year ago her 19-month-old girl was permanently brain-damaged as the result of medical error at the hospital in which she was delivered.
She definitely had a legitimate grievance toward the hospital and the medical staff and felt that she could never forgive them for what she saw as their incompetence. She clearly was not yet ready to forgive—and she needed her simmering anger to motivate her to do what she felt she needed to do legally and otherwise to deal with this horrific situation.
Yet, even in this tragic situation, at some point in the future—when she is ready—Elizabeth might elect to find a way to forgive. For her to be able to do this, after a certain amount of time, she will have to take the step of separating in her mind two things: (1) blaming the hospital for what they did and (2) blaming them for her resulting feelings about the situation.
Elizabeth cannot change what was done to her daughter, but she can change her current feelings about it and she can change how she lives the rest of her life. If she continues to hold an intense grievance, she is giving all the power to what happened in the past to determine her present emotional well being—almost like being victimized again while remaining in her emotional prison.
Should you forgive?
The answer to this question always comes down to personal choices and decisions. Some people in our anger management classes feel that certain things cannot and shouldn’t be forgiven while other participants feel that ultimately anything can be forgiven.
As an example of what is possible, the staff of the Stanford Forgiveness Project successfully worked with Protestant and Catholic families of Northern Ireland whose children had been killed by each other. Using the techniques taught by the Stanford group, these grieving parents were able to forgive and get on with their lives.
On the other hand, Dr. Abrams-Spring who wrote a classic book called “After The Affair,” cautions that forgiving a cheating partner too quickly or too easily can be an indication of your low self-esteem. In her view, forgiveness must be earned by the offending partner and not given automatically.
As you struggle with your decision to forgive or not (and remember - it is a decision), keep in mind that recent studies show that there are measurable benefits to forgiveness.
Two reasons to forgive:
- Forgiving Is Good For Your Health. Studies show that people who forgive report fewer health problems while people who blame others for their troubles have a higher incidence of illness such as cardiovascular disease and cancers.
- Forgiving is good for your peace of mind. Scientific research shows that Forgiveness often improves your peace of mind: One such study done in 1996 showed that the more people forgave those who deeply hurt them, the less angry they were. Two studies of divorced people show that those who forgave the former spouse were more emotionally healthy than those who chose not to forgive. The forgivers had a higher sense of well being and lower anxiety and depression.
Three tips to forgive
It is common for angry people to think, “I want to forgive and I know I should, but I don’t know how.”
- Tip 1- Remember, forgiveness is a process that takes time and patience to complete. You must be ready. Realize that this is for you - not for anyone else.
- Tip 2- Realize that forgiving does not mean you are condoning the actions of the offender or what they did to you. It does mean that you will blame less and find a way to think differently about what happened to you.
- Tip 3- Refocus on the positives in your life. Remember that a lift well lived is the best revenge. People who find a way to see love, beauty and kindness around them are better able to forgive and get past their life grievances.
Tony Fiore, Ph.D, is a practicing psychologist and anger management trainer in Southern California. He can be reached at 714-771-0378, on the web at www.angercoach.com or by email: [email protected]. He publishes a free monthly newsletter "Taming the Anger Bee", and is also co-author of "Anger Management For The Twenty-First Century" which explains the eight tools in much more detail. Century Anger Management (www.centuryangermanagement.com) provides certification training for anger management professionals.
Copyright © 2006 Dr Tony Fiore,The Anger Coach www.angercoach.com All rights reserved. Permission granted to reprint this article on your website without alteration if you include this copyright statement and leave the hyperlink live and in place.
