Holiday Stress Leads to Anger

Learning to deal with stress is one of the eight tools that is needed for anger control.

Learning to deal with holiday stress is even more challenging because of the time crunch around the holidays and the need to deal with relatives who might not always be exactly at the top of your Christmas list.

Here are some tips to deal with holiday stress that should help you get through the season more comfortably:

1.Catch your stress early. Notice physical signs of stress such as muscle tension, voice getting louder, or behavior becoming more disorganized.

2. Make Necessary Life Changes to reduce your stress. Shop earlier. Get more family support. Take time off from work. Request more civil behavior from family members.

3. View Stressors Differently.For a stressor to cause stress in our lives, it has to be perceived as a stressor. Work on how you see things and try to see them in a different light. (Hint: this really works well with obnoxious family members: try seeing them as “limited” than than “irritating.”)

4.Stress-guard your life. Eat right. Exercise. Sleep well. Take care of yourself emotionally. Get your needs met. Have a good time.If needed use Garcinia Cambogia and get fitter and stronger.

Anger Tip- Don’t take sides

You may have noticed that your friends – or relatives – often try to enlist you on their side in conflicts they have with other people. Getting caught in the middle can be VERY stressful for you.

Stay neutral, if you can, in office politics, family squabbles and interpersonal bickering. It’ll save you a world of unnecessary aggravation and trouble.

Experienced therapists will remind you that when someone is trying to “recruit” you, they are often only telling you one side of the story – their side. It is often a “setup” to gain your support and sympathy.

The art of remaining empathetic while not taking sides is just that – a true art and skill that must be developed with practice. Listen, sympathize, encourage possible ways to resolve the conflict or promote communication, but avoid taking sides.

Angry Mom Kills Child

The costs of uncontrolled anger are high, as illustrated in the following tragic story reported in the website in Atlanta:

“Atlanta police said a Fulton County woman confessed to killing her 2-year-old daughter during a fit of anger.

Investigators said 29-year-old Shandrell Banks told police that she became frustrated when her daughter, Nateyonna, would not follow directions, so she grabbed the toddler and slammed her head against a wall.

The Department of Family and Children’s Services had just given the child back to Banks.

Three DFACS supervisors have resigned and several others have been placed on administrative leave while the incident is being investigated.”

In many such cases, anger management training and perhaps other interventions can help young mothers deal with the stresses of their lives- before it is too late and emotions get out of control.

Reduce Anger by Asserting Yourself

This holiday season, you may find yourself in groups or gatherings that make you feel uncomfortable. Sometime you can change it without offending anyone, yet standing up for our rights or opinions. We call this “assertive communication.”

When the tone of a social gathering becomes too
confrontational, negative, lewd, insensitive, prejudiced, or otherwise distasteful, you needn’t remain at the mercy of it. You can usually find a way to but speak up,so that
things back move back into positive territory.

Speak your mind (in a nice way) by letting others know how you are feelings in response to what is going on. Offenders may be taken aback, but those who share your discomfort will welcome the intervention.

Too often we let situations deteriorate beyond what we find acceptable and may be hesitant to address it. But silence often only helps to condone the behavior and may create resentment and stress in you.

Click here for an article on specific ways to assert yourself,especially with your family members.

Anger In Home Affects Children

In a recent letter to “Dear Abby,” a distraught woman wrote that her Asian husband recently lost a great deal of money in the stock market resulting in “…the negativity in our house is so bad that even our kids don’t want to be in the same room as their father. I have considered divorce, but it’s not easily accepted in my culture, and I am afraid of being on my own.”

Continuing, she says ….”I have tried everything — offering to help him, be there for him, trying to appease him, giving him his space, etc. There is no relationship left.”

“…He was always arrogant, difficult to get along with and had a temper — but now it has gone from bad to worse. I don’t know what to do anymore.”

This sad letter illustates several things that we have often heard from our anger management clients:

1. The emotional cost of anger is high, especially in terms of how it affects the children and partners. The angry sullen person often sets the “emotional tone” of the house which affects all family members. Loss of affection and/or alienation of children is difficult to recover from.

2. The angry person must decide to change himself/herself. There are many resources of anger management that would help, including therapy, medication (for some cases), and anger management classes, but they usually only work when the angry person is motivated to change.

3. In extreme cases of pent up anger or rage, violent outbursts can occur. “We see countless news stories about home and spousal abuse cases, and the angry person could end up in jail on a charge for a violent crime with no change of any bail bond in the matter of a minute,” according to a Bail Bonds in Los Angeles company. This is why it’s extremely important to treat anger – and not repress it or delay working it out.

Anger management is a self-improvement process. Those who benefit the most recognize the damage their anger is doing to themselves and people they love, and want to do something about it!

A Case Of Turkey Rage

News item:
“27-year-old Vermont resident Steven J. Lapre is claiming that he is being made an example of after being accused of running over and killing a wild turkey as he was driving to his anger management class.

He asked at his arraignment, “How many citations do they hand out for all the dead deer by the side of the road?” He also claimed he tried to avoid an entire flock crossing the road, but still managed to hit one. He faces a $500 fine if convicted.

Two witnesses came forward saying they saw Lapre speed up and swerve toward the turkeys. Lapre countered this, saying his car has a loud muffler. As he left the court he caused a stir, saying “You know how stupid this sounds?”

Do you agree? Comments welcome!

Anger Control in Sports

News Item: “The Tennessee Titans are requiring Albert Haynesworth to continue anger-management counseling he started during a five-game NFL suspension for stomping the face of a Dallas Cowboys opponent.

Haynesworth worked out at the team’s headquarters Monday, the first day he was eligible to return. The Titans will allow him to rejoin the team at practice today (November 15, 2006).”

Is this type of anger display appropriate in sports? There are many that would say “yes” – that it comes with the territory in an aggressive sport like football.

Yet, I think it is important to separate the emotion from the behavior. No one can deny that angry feelings are often generated on the football field – after all, the purpose is to defeat your opponent; this is often easier if you motivate yourself by generating angry feelings.

Yet, in sports, like life, rules have to be followed regarding how that anger is going to be expressed and dealt with.

Losing control by stomping the face of another player is clearly not an appropriate expression of normal angry feelings.

In our anger management classes, we teach participants to “respond instead of react” as one of the eight tools of anger control.

This tools teaches people that as human beings we have choicesregarding which behavior we are going to attach to certain emotions like anger.

In other words, “anger feelings” does not need to translate to aggressive behaviors. There are many other choices such as ignoring it, handling it verbally, communicating about it after the game, etc.

Contolling emotions is especially important for atheletes who often serve as role models for thousands of children/adolescents who look up to them. Please click here to see how teaching them appropriate life lessons such as anger control can have a major impact on their future lives. Also read more about best paintball gun