Why don’t some marital problems change?
Having been a marital therapist and psychologist for many years, I often wonder at the amazing ability some couples have to NOT change. These couples are often intelligent, reasonable people in other areas of their life, but nonetheless become gridlocked with each other around certain marital issues. Issues in this category are called “perpetual” issues…
Anger and Intimacy: Part 2- Betrayal
Few things shake the foundation of a marriage more than perceived betrayal of one partner by the other. It seems that lately, in my practice at least, the betrayal is more in the direction of husband not being able to accept what they see as betrayal by their wife, but it certainly works both ways!…
Anger and Sex: Part 1- Sexual Frustration
As a practicing psychologist and marriage therapist, I often encounter clients who are angry because they suffer sexual frustration in their marriage or relationship. As we teach in our anger classes, anger is sometimes a secondary emotion, meaning that there is something underneath it which triggers it. Often that “something” is sexual frustration. The most…
Can you change an insecure, jealous spouse?
Thirty-eight year old Lisa (a stay at home mom) was absolutely convinced that Jose, her husband of five years, was cheating on her. She secretly checked his cell phone messages daily, timed how long it took him to return her numerous calls during the day when he was out of town on business, and constantly…
Couples Reduce Anger By Sharing Tasks
Often the problem is the other way around: many married woman justifiably complain that they too work yet are expected to do their “second job” once they get home at night. Either way, a major breakthrough can be achieved by a couple sitting down with a pencil and paper, listing all the household chores, drawing…
Alcohol, Marriage Conflict, and Anger
Having taught hundreds of anger management classes and seminars since 2004, I have been impressed with the high number of people who confess that much conflict and rage often follows discussing marital issues while one or both partners is drinking. Not that drinking in itself is necessarily bad. And trying to resolve conflicts is a…
Couples anger often related to differences in love language
Jim and Mary have been married for 10 years but can’t seem to see eye-to-eye on almost anything. The more they tried to please each other and show love to each other, the more emotionally distant they became. Neither could figure out what the problem was, as they both really felt they were trying to…
Anger Coach Offers Conflict Resolution Program For Couples
The Anger Coach is now offering a special program to help couples resolve relationship conflict. It is for new couples, couples who need relationship enhancement, and high conflict couples near divorce. The Keeping Love Alive program by Michelle Weiner-Davis will be offered as a six-hour program (two Saturday mornings) in Orange, California. Dr. Fiore, psychologist…
Do most men want to please women?
The answer may be “yes”, according to a new book titled “How to improve your marriage without talking about It” by Doctors Pat Love and Steven Stosney. These authors argue that the human brain is more socially structured than that of any other animal, and there are gender differences in how the human brain works….
Avoidance of Conflict Predicts Divorce
Did you know that the number of predictor of divorce is the habitual avoidance of conflict? According to new research discussed on website www.smartmarriage.com, successful couples are those who know how to discuss differences in ways that actually strengthen their relationship and improves intimacy. Successful couples know how to contain their disagreements. That is, they…
New Study Shows Domestic Violence Not Always One Sided
In a recently published study reported in the American Journal of Public Health, almost 25% of people surveyed said there was some violence in their relationship. According to both men and women surveyed, 50% of this violence was reciprocal, that is, involved both parties, and in those cases the woman was more likely to have…
Quick Anger Management Tip 5 – Support Partner’s Good Fortune
Want to tighten the bond with your partner? Try emotionally joining your partner in his or her good fortunes in addition to supporting them in their disappointments and life challenges. This is based on a new study of couples in a short-term relationship reported by Dr. Steven Hendlin. “The way you respond to your partner’s…
The AngerCoach ShowEpisode 4 – Perpetual Issues
This episode is based on marital research performed by the famous Gottman Institute. According to their findings, a high rate of issues that occur in marriage and relationships are insolvable. These issues are called: “Perpetual Issues”, since many couples become gridlocked on them. Find out how to deal with these issues and how both partners…
Is empathy important for anger management?
In a recent anger management class, a guy had a struggle understanding what empathy was and why it is important in anger management. The specific issue involved learning to listen with more openness to what was being said rather than listening defensively, or through mental “filters” which distort the message. For instance, wife says: “Our…
The AngerCoach Show Episode 3 – Retreat and think things over
We are taught that we should never go to bed mad or avoid dealing with an issue. Actually, research shows that most couples are incapable of resolving conflicts when their stress levels get too high. That is because high stress levels impair our memory, our reasoning ability, or judgment, and our perspective of things. In…
Spousal Anger May Shorten Life
In a recent edition of “Stress Scoop”, research shows that happily married couples are healthier and live longer, possibly because they have less stress. “…a recent study showed that even if spouses usually get along well, the stress caused by a brief argument can slow healing of a surgical wound by as much as a…
Anger In Home Affects Children
In a recent letter to “Dear Abby,” a distraught woman wrote that her Asian husband recently lost a great deal of money in the stock market resulting in “…the negativity in our house is so bad that even our kids don’t want to be in the same room as their father. I have considered divorce,…