Harmful Communication versus Assertive Communication
It is easy to fall into communication patterns that harm us and those around us. Unfortunately, this often results in tense workplace relationships, soured friendships, and, in the case of your relationship, partner conflict that can inevitably lead to divorce. Today, we will address two harmful communication styles and offer some techniques and examples to…
Navigating daily stress in an overwhelming world.
Every day, the world we live in presents us with innumerable challenges. This results in a constant source of stress; from worrying if we are going to be on time to pick up the kids, what to prepare for dinner with little in the fridge to having to take time from work to care for…
Should I forgive? How to let go of resentment and move forward in your relationship.
It takes a lot of mental and emotional energy to hold a grudge. Negative feelings have the ability to hold us captive, keeping us in the past and preventing us from moving forward in life. When we hold a grudge in a relationship, we remain with one foot firmly planted in the past. Some people…
Does Anger Rule your Relationship?
One of the major challenges of living and thriving in current times is managing our stress levels in a world of complex demands and expectations. There are times when this proves very difficult and we can sometimes lash out at the ones we love. Occasional emotional outbursts (within reason) are common in a relationship however…
The Significance of Social Awareness
Social awareness plays a crucial role in our interactions with others, yet some people seem completely unaware of the impact they have on those around them. They may unintentionally upset people in various settings, like at work or within their family, yet remain puzzled when confronted with negative reactions. Their lack of empathy prevents them…
How technology has changed closeness in relationships
The rapid acceleration in technological communication has created a problem where our nervous system is still trying to adjust to our online world. Gone are the days when the only way to speak with someone was to do so in person. Emojis, memes, GIFs, etc are now often used to express emotion and thought. Our…
How to work though problems in a relationship
Conflict is inevitable in every relationship, however it is very important to learn to understand, resolve and then move forward from the source of this conflict when it arises. During therapy, I tell my patients to “Think of yourself and your partner as a team, working through problems as a ‘we’ as opposed to a…
What is a conflict igniter?
A conflict igniter refer to a pattern of communication that often results in a gloves off, battle Royale between a couple. Regardless of who ignited the conflict, the result is the same – escalation. Conflict Ignitor #1- Blame and Criticism This igniter occurs when one or both partners are highly critical and blame the other…
How to develop cognitive empathy
When we practice cognitive empathy in our marriage, we learn to look at the world from our partner’s perspective. In essence, we are imagining what it might be like to be our partner in her/his life situation. Cognitive empathy is also referred to as perspective-taking or the skill of putting ourselves in someone else’s shoes,…
Why J.A.D.E. doesn’t work to resolve conflict with your partner
What is JADE? It is an acronym for the ineffective tactics of Justifying, Arguing, Defending or Explaining to resolve conflict. It is a term borrowed from psychiatrist and team-cognitive-behavioral guru Dr David Burns. Here is what it means J – Justifying your actions. “I might have done that, but you also did….” Justifying is a…
Dealing with Stress
Stress is often the trigger that exacerbates anger in individuals. Many people suffer from a variety of life situations that influence their ability to maintain healthy relationships – but this does not have to be the case! I have helped many people over the years to deal with stress better in their lives. In this…
How to Tank Your Relationship Part 2 or: How to Cope With Couple Anger Better
All relationships deal with anger to one extent or another and the success of a relationship doesn’t necessarily depend on the amount of anger in a relationship. Research suggests that many successful couples deal with anger from one or both partners – so it’s not the necessarily expression of anger that causes issues in relationships….
Change Your Self Talk For Better Anger Control
Self talk is what you tell yourself about the things that happen to you in life. Many times anger can be managed successfully by changing this self talk. Anger in life is normal and there are many things that trigger anger in our modern world. Most of these things we cannot control – but we…
How To Tank Your Relationship – Part I
Many couples struggle with one or both partners exhibiting less desirable traits that are perceived as selfish, uncaring, misguided or just plain wrong. Research has shown however that many couples can survive – and even thrive – in a relationship where one or both partners have these negative traits. Surprisingly, it is not the traits…
3 Methods to Disarm an Angry Wife
Many men today lack the skills needed to give their wives and partners what they need in a relationship. Much of this is due to the fact that the roles women traditionally played in relationships has changed over the last several decades and some men have not yet learned how to care for the women…
5 Ways to Respond Instead of React
When we react to something, we do it automatically but when we respond to something – that requires thoughtful consideration and deliberate decision making. When I teach people how to manage their anger, the tool “Respond Instead of React” is most helpful as it shows people that they have the power to control their response…
Peace at any Price – Jeffrey’s story
Many people in relationships are averse to conflict and confrontation which is why some people choose to adopt the “peace at any price” approach to dealing with relationship issues. While this tactic can avert direct confrontation in the moment – it often delays the inevitable. Coping with your partners disrespect for long periods of time…
4 Strategies to Forgive and Accept Wrongs by a Partner
Whether you are actively in a relationship or not, learning to forgive is an incredibly important skill to have and hold successful, long term relationships. We all make mistakes and when the hurt from these mistakes cut deep, our ability to forgive is essential not just for the person who hurt us, but for our…
The 5 Levels of Passive Aggressive Behavior
Passive aggressive behavior does not alternate between passive behavior and aggressive behavior, but rather combines them simultaneously into one behavior that is really irritating and confounding to other people. In this video I walk you through the 5 levels of a Passive Aggressive person and simple examples of each behavior for you to recognize. The…
Dealing with perpetual issues
Relationship research has revealed that a high percentage of relationship issues are unsolvable. These are often called “Perpetual Issues”. Every relationship has these unresolvable issues – but the key difference between successful couples is how they handle these issues. Learn a basic principle in how successful couples manage to deal with perpetual issues and how…
6 Methods to communicate assertively
Assertive communication helps people – whether they are in relationships or not – experience better interpersonal outcomes. In this video, I will help you understand what assertive communication means, and I provide 6 simple ways to implement assertive communication tools in your life. Improve your relationships with others whether they be friends, family, workmates or…