This blog post has taken me some time to get around to… It is a testament to my stellar ability to push an article aside and hope it magically writes itself. Unfortunately, it never does.
We are all culprits of procrastination; the path of least resistance beckons us all, especially after a hard day’s work. After dealing with job stress, a chaotic drive home, and kids fighting in the back seat over who touched who’s arm, I know many would prefer to kick back and relax than face problems in our relationship.
It’s no secret that relationships can be challenging, but I often encounter a recurring theme: a reluctance to confront and address issues head-on.
The Reality Behind Procrastination
Procrastination, the art of delaying or avoiding tasks, is a pervasive human behavior. It’s not just a simple matter of lacking discipline; a complex interplay of psychological and emotional factors is at play.
People tend to procrastinate due to emotional factors such as fear, anxiety, and self-doubt. In a relationship, it might manifest as a reluctance to address uncomfortable issues or confront potentially awkward conversations.
The brain’s reward system also plays a significant role – we prioritize immediate gratification over long-term benefits. This means we’re more inclined to avoid a difficult conversation today, even if it would lead to a better relationship tomorrow. So why should we talk about the problems in our relationship instead of curling up with a good book or binge-watching the latest Netflix series?
As hard as it may be, addressing issues as early as possible is far better than letting them build and fester, where they grow into something daunting and untenable for both partners.
The Elephant in the Room
Procrastination can be devastating to relationships. Unaddressed issues fester, resentments grow, and emotional distance widens. A small unresolved argument could one day create a chasm between both couples.
While we think we’re avoiding discomfort, we’re exacerbating it. Procrastination creates a negative cycle that may erode trust and intimacy, widening the gap between partners. It is a vicious cycle; the worse the problem becomes, the less we want to confront it.
The Road to Repair
Confronting problems within your relationship takes courage from both parties, and you must both be willing to do so with an open mind where you can learn, understand, empathize, and heal from the hurt.
One Small Step at a Time
Let’s approach this as we would a giant, 10,000-piece jigsaw puzzle—one with some pictures but mostly color. The color is the emotion we are trying to understand and piece together.
When we begin a jigsaw puzzle, it can be a little overwhelming. We dump all the pieces onto the table, a jumble that makes no sense to anyone. Slowly, you begin sifting through the pieces to find the corners, the edges, the colors that match, and so on.
You want to begin with the easier parts of the puzzle first, to find a structure so that the big picture gradually, over time, begins to appear. This is an excellent way to approach problems in your relationship, especially if you are both prone to procrastination or avoidance.
So, think about a problem you agree upon. Something small you can talk about to open the lines of communication. The goal is to learn how to speak with each other to solve issues harmoniously so that you can gradually incorporate these discussions into your life. This way, when a minor problem arises, you can resolve it before it becomes unmanageable.
The Big Picture
Set clear goals for yourselves and agree to prioritize the health of your relationship. You agree to address issues before they escalate instead of letting them fester or completely ignoring them.
The Importance of Empathy
Empathy allows you to understand and share your partner’s feelings, helping you connect more deeply. It fosters a sense of openness and enables you to discuss your issues.
Genuinely listen to your partner’s perspective, acknowledge their emotions, and validate their experiences.
Take Time for Self-Reflection
Think about your actions and behavior in your relationship and recognize that they play a part in the dynamics of your partnership. Owning your problems requires self-awareness and a commitment to personal growth.
Celebrate your Progress
Making a change in any form is difficult, but to do it as a couple can be challenging. Take the time to celebrate your small successes and be proud of the progress you make. When we encourage each other, we reinforce positive behavior.
Seek Professional Help
If there are un-resolved issues that are causing significant issues in your marriage, consider an appointment with a Psychologist specializing in relationship issues. My details are at the end of this article.
Finally, Be Kind to Yourself
Change takes time, patience, and understanding. Resolving issues swept under the rug for extended periods may sometimes feel overwhelming, but be patient with yourself and each other. Know that you are both working towards a common goal, and be compassionate to yourself and each other as you move through this journey together.
To learn more about how to overcome problems within your relationship, download our full course: “Anger and Your Relationship; the Road to Repair.”
Anger and your relationship: The road to repair gives you the skills you need to transform your relationship from conflict to peace-even if your partner does not actively participate in the process. The program consists of 23 short videos and many practical worksheets and exercises. Presented in a way to keep you committed, motivated and engaged.
If you would like to schedule and appointment with me, please click here
