The Perils of the Purple Suitcase
Winter in Southern California is a beautiful time of year. Come December, I make the journey into the darkest depths of my closet, dust off my favorite jacket, and air it out to be worn for its brief yet well-appreciated turn in my clothing rotation. I like to comment to my wife that the jacket…
A Story to Make You Smile…
Have Road Anger? Think of Luigi One day last week, I heard from a previous patient of mine named Jim, whom I had not seen for 15 years. I had long forgotten he was in one of my anger management classes. He called to refer someone else and told me he had always remembered my…
Part Two: Retreat and Think Things Over.
Take the High Road. In my previous post, we learned what happens to our bodies in times of stress, how our brain releases stress hormones such as cortisol and adrenaline, and how this quickly begins to course through our bodies, increasing our heart rate and blood pressure. In this post, I explain how to take…
Retreat and Take Time to Think Things Over.
How to Let Calmer Heads Prevail. Part one. Cassie and Phil loved each other dearly but often found themselves in heated verbal battles over almost anything and everything. The most minor disagreements quickly became a full-fledged war over who was right and who was wrong. This left Cassie and Phil feeling exhausted, emotionally disconnected from…
Coping Strategies, How to Survive Bullying from Authority Figures
Bullying is a distressing experience, especially when it originates from someone in a position of power or authority. When this happens, you can feel helpless and powerless to speak your mind for fear of retaliation, leaving you trapped between a rock and a hard place. On the one hand, you would like to tell the…
Navigating the Holiday Season: Strategies for Dealing with Problematic Family Members
Thanksgiving is a time of joy, celebration, and eating massive amounts of food while the buttons on our pants strain for dear life. It’s when families come together to create lasting memories and reminisce about past feasts, succulent turkey, and football games won and lost. However, this time of year can also be challenging for…
Understanding your partner: Unveiling the secrets to a deeper connection $24.95
In this mini course, we teach you to the art of Irimi. Here you learn to focus on your partner while centering yourself using your ‘wise adult’ frame of mind. Irimi involves using cognitive empathy to understand your partner’s perspective from a loving and harmonious place. There are six techniques that we cover that are designed to…
Become an optimist for better health and happiness
Friends Jane and Anthony have very different ways of viewing the world. Jane is a pessimist (“the glass is half-empty”) while Anthony is an optimist (“the glass is half-full”) Let’s compare how they think about similar life experiences: Scenario 1: A bad thing happens: both lose their jobsJane is devastated, convincing herself that she is…
Diffuse family anger by talking differently — to yourself!
Case #1: Jeanette and Tom had been married 15 years. Wanting to surprise him for his birthday, Jeanette bought (with her own money) Tom a big-screen LCD television. Tom’s reaction? He instantly blew up and berated Jeanette for spending so much money, buying more television than they needed, and buying a bigger one than they…
How optimism can help—or hurt—your marriage
Beth and Tom were happily married for over 25 years— no small feat in today’s world. At first, their friends could not understand how their marriage succeeded, due to numerous perceived shortcomings. However, closer scrutiny of their marriage revealed that it was their thinking patterns—the ways they explained and interpreted their partner’s behavior to themselves—that…
Four ways to think like an optimist and improve your your health
Even as a child, James was described by teachers and his parents as a happy optimist. As the story goes, one day his parents decided to play a joke on him and test his attitude by requiring him to spend an afternoon cleaning deserted stables at what had been a local racetrack. Returning after two…
How to control your emotions on the road
Dateline: December 4th. Orange County, California. A 29 year old man was shot to death, an apparent victim of road rage. According to newspaper accounts, he had a reputation for never backing down from a fight. The man and his half brother were heading home from a plumbing job when the trouble began. Driving in…
ANGRY AT YOUR PARTNER? Think Again!
Literally, think again. And then think about what you are thinking about- especially around anger issues. As famous psychologist William James said over 100 years ago: “Man can alter his life by altering his thinking.” The case of Sally and Jim Sally and Jim sat in my office glaring at each other. Sally told a…
Aggressive Driving Has High Costs
News item: “A 32-year-old Payson man learned that lesson the hard way Sunday. He was driving down a street in Orem (Utah) with his wife and children when he exchanged angry words with a local man. The Orem man pursued the family and tailgated their Chevy Suburban. In the heat of the moment, the Payson…
Anger May Trigger Heart Problems
If you have heart problems and are on a ventricular fibrillator, try to stay calm! Boston researchers are reporting that bursts of anger may trigger potentially fatal heart rhythm disturbances. The hotter the temper, the higher the risk appears of ventricular fibrillation. “The old conventional wisdom is that, if you know someone has a heart…