Do the eight tools help with anger toward self?
Most of our writings concern people who have anger toward others. But, I recently received an email from someone who said he never gets mad at other people – only himself. He was wondering if the eight tools can be applied in that situation. The answer is a resounding YES. Even anger toward other people…
Angry Men Need To Be Kinder To Self
Law Professor Carl Sanborn knows all about anger in men and has written a fascinating new book about it. Some very interesting ideas: “The sad fact is that both boys and girls are warped by societal expectations” – by what Sandborn calls ‘patriarchy’. “I know, all red-blooded men cringe when they hear that word, patriarchy,” says…
Forgiveness core tool of anger management
Do you believe in forgiveness or revenge? or both, depending on the circumstances? That was the topic this evening in our anger management class held in Orange, California. The topic brings out many conflicting emotions in participants, as all admitted to struggling with the concept of forgiveness and letting go of grievances. Research shows that…
Quick Anger Tip #29-Learn To Suffer Fools
We often generate anger or feel irritation toward other people when we tell ourselves they are “stupid,” “incompetent,” “dumb,”slow,” or some some other term indicating that they do not live up to expectations or your performance standards. We teach people in our anger management programs that the issue here is often unrealistic expectations of people…
Quick Anger Tip #28- Expect Less, Be Happy
Anger is often generated by disappointment because of the gap between what we expect and what we get in relationships, in life, or on our jobs. Some research shows that the problem is not so much the “reality” of the situation, as your expectation of it. In martial research, for instance, a consistent finding is…
Quick Anger Tip #27 – Avoid Communicating with Contempt
Contempt is a communication style of regarding someone or something as inferior or less-than. In effect, we look down on them. Even worse, sometimes it means treating others with scorn as if we regard them as worthless. When we are treated with contempt by others we feel despised, dishonored, or disgraced. In marriage or relationships,…
Quick Anger Tip # 26- Try Not To Stonewall
Stonewalling is a term used by some marital researchers to describe how partners in a relationship emotionally shut-down when upset, angry or hurt by their spouse. If done excessively, it is a predictor of divorce or relationship breakup. Stonewalling is often thought to occur more frequently among men than women, but sometimes women do it…
Anger Tip 24 – Avoid defensiveness when relating to others
Psychological defensiveness can be defined as an emotion where one displays an excessive rejection of criticism. Defensiveness is predictor of martial divorce because it prevents a person from receiving honest feedback from others – feedback that would be useful in resolving conflict or promoting closeness. The defensive person rarely takes personal responsibility for an issue…
Quick Anger Tip 23 – Never Marry Potential
We often get angry at our spouses because they don’t live up to our expectations. Angry people often assume that their disappointment is due almost entirely to the poor of inadequate behavior or performance of the other person. Actually, the disappointment can also be caused by your misguided expectations of the other person or the…
Quick Anger Tip 22- Husbands Need Roadmap
Wives often become angry at their husbands because their husbands do not respond emotionally or in behavior to their complaints. Husbands, on the other hand, often confess that they don’t respond sometimes because it is not clear to them what the “right” answer or response is. It is our experience in anger management classes that…
Quick Anger Tip 21 – Protect self from passive-aggressive people
Passive-aggressive behavior is a communication style that is very difficult to deal with. Persons who communicate in this way are often stubborn, they obstruct goals while denying they are doing so, they procrastinate, and they are often sullen. They agree to everything, yet accomplish almost nothing they agree to, while blaming outside events for their…
Quick Anger Tip 20 – Develop clear vision of your intent or purpose
Often we become angry or resentful because we lose sight of the bigger picture. For instance, with our children, we may see only their negative behavior, forgetting your broader parenting intent such as having a close relationship with your children, helping them develop a mind of their own, or helping them develop into responsible human…
Quick Anger Tip 19 – Raise your mood before dealing with an anger trigger
It is a known psychological fact that the level of your mood determines the perception you have of your world. In a high mood you see the best fat burner for women world one way: In a low mood, you may see the exact same thing quite differently. To better manage your anger, try to…
Quick Anger Tip 18 – Don’t let others ring your bell
The famous Russian psychologist Pavlov started an experiment by putting food before hungry dogs. Only problem was there was a barrier between the dogs and the food. Result? All the dogs begin salivating. He then continued the experiment by ringing a bell, and then presenting the food. Again, the dogs salivated. In a third part…
Quick Anger Tip 17 – Develop a silver tongue
Some people just seem to antagonize those around them even if they don’t mean to. They say things in a way that causes others to “push back” often with resistance or anger of their own. Words are powerful. Have you ever heard the expression that the pen is mightier than the sword? Sometimes words can…
Quick Anger Tip 16 – Notify your face if NOT angry
Body language often reveals feelings or emotions we are having that we want to conceal or that we don’t even realize we are having. Our face has hundreds of muscles that combine to reveal what is going on emotionally with us. Others see these facial expressions and often respond to them, even if our words…
Quick Anger Tip 15 – Put a smile in your voice
Many people come across as angry to others even though they deny that they are actually angry. Sometimes, this may be due to not being aware of how angry you actually are. (You are angry, but don’t realize it, or you don’t want to admit it) Alternatively, the problem may be that your body language…
Quick Anger Tip 14 – Listen to improve understanding
Sometimes,we become angry toward other people because we we don’t understand them and don’t understand how they can do or not do things we consider stupid, irrational, and misguided. Empathy is the skill of seeing the world from the other person’s point of view, even if you don’t agree with it. Things often make a…
Quick Anger Tip 13 – Remind self that things don’t have to go your way
Some people are legends in their own minds. They convince themselves that they are the center of the universe which should revolve around their desires and needs. If you think this way, you will generate tons of anger when even common every-day things occur in your life. As an alternative, remind yourself that things don’t…
Quick Anger Tip 12 – With kids, calmly deliver consequences to behavior
Parents often get exasperated with their children and handle their feelings by yelling or shouting threats that are non-enforceable. Much better to calmly deliver consequences to behavior. Why? Because it is much more effective. To understand this concept, image the following scenario. You are speeding in your car, perhaps going 50 miles an hour in…
Quick Anger Tip 11 – Talk from your heart
Anger is a form of communication. Like all forms of communication, we are trying to get something when we get angry. Usually, what we are trying to get is: To change someone else To get another person to do something we want them to. To get our own way To be heard or to be…